Information on my new mentor program
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When you look back at certain events, especially as time passes, different things stand out to you.
I wonder if part of it is your brain trying to make sense of what happened, to find some meaning or depth. But sometimes it just feels like a scratched record skipping and playing the same three notes over and over until you want to scream in frustration and pain.
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“Walking into the hospital my gut was *screaming*. This isn't right this isn't right this isn't right. Over and over and over. It's like you're watching it happen to you in slow motion but there is nothing you can do to change the outcome.”
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“Because if I hadn't asked questions the entire pregnancy, why start now?“
Every Monday, I will post a new part to my own personal birth history. This will not be happy most times, but over the years I’ve given myself a lot more grace and love, and I hope the story reflects that. I don’t know right now how many parts this will have, but it’s going to cover almost a decade of how I truly got to where I am. I’m not going to gloss over hard things, and be aware there is talk of cesarean sections, the NICU, repeat miscarriage, infertility, blood, and possibly more that I don’t even realize right now. I may include pictures sometimes as well. This is my life, as best I can tell it, and I hope it gives a little insight into who I am beneath the sarcasm, emo music, and C-3PO level of know-it-all I carry around the world.
Gestational Diabetes or GD is a “syndrome with no risks to mother or baby, and with no symptoms, other than the increased chance of growing a larger than average baby.” -Gail Hart
There is no consensus on GD in pregnancy. Many think it is something that happens depending on the weight of the pregnant person, some say it is just what happens to some people, and others believe that it isn’t real. There are so many variables, and no one truly understands why it happens.
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Jaundice in the postpartum period is the name for the yellowing of a baby’s skin and eyes in the newborn period from the breakdown of red blood cells the liver is unable to handle due to immaturity. Since yellow is not a normal color for a human, it can make doctors and parents very nervous, especially if it continues and worsens over the first week of life.
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Part 5 of my miscarriage series - three meditations to help with the release of the pregnancy, grief, and a message of hope.
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Part 4 of the miscarriage series - How to help friends and family after a miscarriage.
One of the hardest parts many find is how to be there for someone they love while they are going through a miscarriage without being a burden or saying the wrong thing. I wish I could say that you will never say the wrong thing or that you will be the perfect support. Life isn’t that easy. But there are many things you can do to make sure you are helping them through the pain instead of adding to it. Don’t be afraid to be with them, your disappearance can be just another thing they’ve lost. If you learn anything from this let it be this one thing - don’t leave them.
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Part 3 of my miscarriage series - this one about emotional healing, grief, and creating something to remember your baby.
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Part 2 of my miscarriage series, with information on medical and holistic care, along with how to care for your body physically.
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Part 1 of a series specific to Miscarriage.
Miscarriage is defined as any pregnancy release before 20 weeks gestation. This could be something as early as 3 weeks all the way to 20 weeks of pregnancy. Because so many things happen during this time in pregnancy, it can seem really odd that they are defined by the same word, but welcome to science. It is also a word that many people hate, as if you missplaced your pregnancy, as if it was under your control.
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Our society is so fixed on the ideal body type - skinny, fit, active, toned. No one wants to gain wait, to be “obese” based on their BMI, and there is so much focus on not gaining weight or only gaining appropriate amounts of weight that we can’t seem to discuss weight gain in pregnancy without someone leaving the conversation feeling inadequate. The recommendations for weight gain in pregnancy seem to change constantly, with diet recommendations changing almost as frequently. And it makes you wonder, does body image insecurity feed into pregnancy weight gain and what can happen because of it?
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Even though pregnancy loss is fairly common, especially in the first trimester, and is a physiological process, the grief and mental health ramifications can be life-long. If you have an early pregnancy loss before 12 weeks, many haven’t even told anyone they are pregnant and thus go through the release and grief process alone, compounding the mental health issues. So the question is, how exactly does pregnancy loss affect one’s mental health in the subsequent pregnancy?
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During pregnancy, hemoglobin is a touchy subject. In some cases, it is the only tool used to monitor iron levels and risk of anemia, but as stated above, hemoglobin is simply a screening marker.
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Unpaid internships are almost a staple in the United States, a thing of privilege, and in my opinion, a thing that needs to be dismantled. I’m not saying it will happen overnight, but I think steps need to be taken to get rid of this archaic system, propped up by privilege and tradition.
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I wrote this last year, a poem about the last fifteen or so minutes of my last labor and birth. It was the longest and shortest six hours of my life, and time had no meaning until it did. Everything was quiet, and I loved it. I worked with my body, I moved, I moaned, I spoke, I whispered.
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